california

see the beautiful bougainvillea vine, vibrant pinky red hues against grand greens, giant, engulfs a tree, curled around branches and heavy with blooms.
see the tall palms lining the street, fade into the distance, follow the rolling hills toward the ocean where waves lap upon sandy beaches.
feel chilly breeze blowing through the open window. slow motion eyes closing, long lashes dip down delicate, delectable, deliberate.

thought scramble

blue sky, blue sea, blue car, blue bed
green grass, green leaves, green curtain
golden light, lamp light, moon light
rainbow roses
wooden floor, tree trunk, table, chair
closet for clothes
too many books

sometimes i worry i've lost the ability to verbally express myself and can only communicate through movement. or nonsense noise. or something else.
i see the world and am fascinated, overjoyed, stunned, shocked, excited, saddened, inspired... but i can't explain what i see. i wish to say my vision out loud. (or at least write it down and be pleased with how well it comes across?)

must. find. words.

LOST: a fantastic vocabulary. LAST SEEN: somewhere in the folds of my brain.

i imagine my brain is a giant file cabinet full of manilla folders. like never ending amounts of folders. i remember filing my words (or facts from my favorite history classes or the entire french language) but i don't know where those folders are now....and i want/need to find them.

and while i'm emptying my thoughts onto this page...

i wish i could escape from my racing mind and experience things fully as they happen instead of being hyperaware of the many different outcomes/scenarios that might play out depending on how i act/react...come on world--surprise me?